Monday Memo #30

Find your third place.

The Monday memo is food for thought to fuel your week.

Hi everyone,

Do you have a third place?

Your third place is the place you go to hang out with friends, where you feel safe, where you can be yourself, spend time with old friends and make new ones. 

Why do they call it a third place? It is the space between home and work. Home is your first place, where you spend time with family and close friends. Work is your second place, where you spend time with colleagues. The third place can be many things: your church, a club, a pub, coffee shop, a bookstore. It can be as simple as a campfire.

The term “third place” was coined by urban sociologist Ray Oldenburg, in his book, the Great Good Place. Oldernburg noted that third places have certain characteristics that make them special, comfortable, friendly, and familiar:

• They are usually easy to get to, and comfortable. Your third place might be on your way between work and home. Regardless of where it is, it doesn’t take you a lot of extra effort to go, and it’s comfortable once you’re there.

• They are social levelers. It doesn’t matter if you’re a VP, a warehouse worker, unemployed, or whatever. Everyone is welcome, regardless of class or place in society.

• They are neutral ground. Nobody is required to show up, and people are free to come and go as they please.

• Conversation is the main activity. Third places are full of playful, light-hearted conversation, people relaxing and enjoying each others’ company. A lot of laughter is a good sign you’re in a third place.

• Regulars. A third place has regulars, who show up often, give the place its culture and character, and welcome new people when they show up.

• A low profile. Third places keep a low profile because are not interested in attracting tourists or thrill-seekers. They are not flashy, but focus on being comfortable and creating a community living room.

• Home away from home. Third places are comfortable, friendly, cheerful places where you always feel welcome, that you are among friends, and can be yourself.

Do you have a third place? It can be harder to make friends as you get older and become more absorbed in your home and work life. Third places provide that balance between the obligations of home and work, a place where you can relax, be yourself, make friends, and enjoy life.

Exercise.

Here’s your exercise for the week. Find your third place.

If you don’t have a third place, I’d like to invite you to mine. About a year ago, I moved from St. Louis, where I had lived for 30 years, to Portland, Oregon. I was feeling uprooted and alone, and I needed a creative community to feel connected, so I started a virtual, online third space for friends and connections to explore our collective creative energy.

It’s a 90-minute Zoom call that I host every Friday from 9 to 10:30 Pacific time. For me and many others, it’s become a third space for creative thinking, exploration, and inspiration. We share inspiration and ideas, work through blocks, and share our creative projects. It’s my interesting place: a collection of interesting people, doing interesting things, and having interesting conversations about what we’re discovering. Join us here.

Upcoming:

In our next Collaboratory, Mike Parker will show us how we can tap into the power of the unconscious mind to explore possibilities. I’ve known Mike for many years and have worked with him as a personal coach. Mike is focused on practical applications of brain science and psychological techniques for accessing the unconscious mind to reduce stress and anxiety and improve performance and creativity.

Become a member today to access this live, interactive session, which will happen on Wednesday, July 17, from 9 to 10:30 Pacific time.

Members get access to all Collaboratories as well as Collaboratory recordings, past and present, and our email archive.

As of this week we have 68 members. In 2025, membership dues will increase to $30/month, $300/year. If you join now, you will lock in the $20/month, $200/year rate for as long as your subscription remains active.

If you’re already a member, thank you. You’re making this possible.

More information for members is below the fold.